I grew up in a Christian home and therefore attended church nearly every Sunday. Many of my memories from this time in my life include watching my mother worship. My mother worships deeply. Watching her it often seemed as if she would go into a trance, which led her to a space where only she and God were communing. She often stood with her eyes closed, tears often streaming down her face, and her arms outstretched and lifted high. I loved watching her and was captivated by her experience, often wondering why she was crying.
Now, at 26, I have a deeper understanding of those moments; a deeper appreciation for those tears. I know what it means to come before the throne of God and seek His face; to enter his presence and be changed.
Here of late this experience occurs each time he renews my strength as I face this war against my family and my marriage. Each time I enter into His grace He bestows on me another level of faith. A deep blind faith. An experience so supernatural it leaves me in tears.
It is hard to explain what this faith is.
Blind faith is jumping into the deep end even though you don’t know how to swim.
Blind faith is auditioning for the lead role with zero acting experience.
Blind faith is training and making plans to climb Mt. Everest in a wheelchair.
Blind faith is reading and studying doctoral research from the waste dunes of Nepal.
Blind faith is looking fate, destiny, reality, and all the cosmos in the eyes and saying, “No.” It’s saying, “I’m in charge and I will do whatever it is and face whatever it is that I have to. I will NOT let this be my truth.”
Blind faith takes courage because you will have to face your fears not once, or twice, but multiple times. It takes strength because you will be knocked down over and over and over again; and you will need the strength to wipe the blood out of your eyes and get back up.
Blind faith is Psalm 91: 7 “Though a thousand fall at your right side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.”
So my tears come from being overwhelmed by His goodness and also from gratitude. Grateful that He would offer me such a gift.
There is an old song we used to sing.
“I love you so and I'm never gonna let you go
Holdin' on to Your hand though sometimes I don't understand
Tears I cried night and day, but I’m gonna trust you anyway
Because You love me and I love you too.”
I pray you enter into his presence friends and experience gifts like never before.
Abundantly With Love,
The Anonymous Wife
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