Blended Families the Biblical Way – Focus on the Marriage First by LaKisha M. Johnson
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Growing up I didn’t realize that my household was any different than others. As a matter of fact I thought most homes were the same. As I would begin to get into my teenage years, I noticed a trend happening in our neighborhood . Several of the families were experiencing divorce, or starting to blend families. I am a product of a blended family and so are my children. The family is the strength to our communities, so when divorce occurs it is not only an attack on our family, it’s designed to weaken our communities, which in turn effects our schools, which then effects our state, then our nation. I am sure you can see where I am going with this. A lot of the people in our neighborhood began to remarry. Most of these remarriages came with additional children. Sometimes it was successful and other times this merger was not as successful. As I began to study the biblical success for blended family (because this doesn’t always go the way God intended), I thought about the success of my own blended family and the failure I saw in others. God began to show me that there is a formula for this, doing this the God kind of way.
Make sure your marriage and your relationship is solid first. God supplies scriptures for biblical guidelines for marriage. You have to focus on each other first, so that they can witness a healthy relationship, sometimes this is difficult especially to navigate with children. Kids, are looking to learn by example. You have to have private time together; you have to spend time loving on each other and building a strong foundation. Don’t allow them to make you feel guilty for dating, loving and spending time with each other. They will try to do it, but manipulation isn’t from God, so don’t allow them to do it. The health of your relationship will help them to see they can have a healthy relationship with their new parent and siblings. (Genesis 2:22-24, Proverbs 5:18-19, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 18:22, Ephesians 5:22-33)
That person’s past relationships, the ex-wife or husband isn’t really your business. For some reason we seem to think that we need to monitor those relationships, but that’s for them to work out. You need to stay the neutral party. You can offer advice based in love and from a place of peace, but it isn’t for you to monitor that relationship. You need to trust your spouse and allow them to navigate through that relationship. If there is bitterness and unresolved issues, they may need counseling, but YOU stay out of it. (2 Timothy 2:23-24, Proverbs 15:1, Romans 12:19, Titus 3: 1-2)
Always keep a united front! Do NOT allow the kids to see you divided. If you don’t agree on something make sure you do that, just between you, kids can use that as a way to manipulate the situation, especially when there is discomfort. Allow them to see you solve problems agreeably, even if you have to choke each other out later. Become a model example of dealing with conflict, so that they know how to deal with conflict with their new parent and siblings. (Matthew 5:9, John 14:27, John 16:33, Proverbs 10:12)
Blended families aren’t easy but having a strong marriage, will make them more successful. Establishing a strong foundation first, one that leaves God at the center will provide the opportunity for the family to grow in peace and love. God’s road map (the bible) for success provides the answers to all we need, as long as we to do is submit to them and love.
Prayer: Father thank you for second chances. Thank you for giving us the wisdom and knowledge to navigate through life. Holy Spirit show us how to live out these biblical principles for marriage and second families. Thank You for the first ministry in our lives, our family. In Jesus Name. Amen
LaKisha M. Johnson is mom, author, motivational speaker, minister and teacher. She is the host of Coffee and Conversations on “facebook live” Monday-Friday at 5:00 am central standard time and Sundays at 7:00 am central standard time. She hosts a pajama party for women, “Pillow Talk” several times throughout the year, walking them through God inspired truths, while providing a place of vulnerability and transparency to talk. To find out more information on her log on to lakishamjohnson.com and follow her on social media @justbeinglmj.