Blended Families the Biblical – The Team – by LaKisha M. Johnson
Ephesians 3:14-15 “For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named”
Having a blended family isn’t easy, but isn’t impossible. Often times people want to attribute the stress of a blended family from us not living out the promises of God for our original families, getting divorced and having babies out of wedlock. Even, if there is a truth to this, God has a way of redeeming things especially when your heart is towards him. The family unit is the place where your kids first learn to operate as a team. This is where they learn how to deal with conflict, coping skills, about God, whether or not family is important, how to respect authority, how to be good citizen’s and so forth. These things are learned first at home. It is so important that we teach them how to approach this from a team approach. Establish a solid foundation so that this family can succeed. God intended it to so we can be strong and advance Kingdom here on earth.
Ladies you got to let them lead!! This is so difficult when you have been single and on your own, you have created your own systems, have your own view of how things should be handled. But you are going to have to trust this man to lead your house. Ephesians 5:22-24,” Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” If you trusted this man enough to marry him, you should have no problem being led by him. This means you have to trust him with your children, If you don’t trust him with them, why would you marry him? We all have to work for what’s going to work best for our blended family, the measurement of success has already been given to us in the word, if we follow it then the family can’t fail. You have to trust them in finances and to make decisions that will benefit the entire household even if you don’t agree.
Fellas you got to honor them. 1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” You have to remember we are women, and we respond like when. Honoring us by providing for us, protecting us, loving us and leading by example, will keep your prayers from being hindered. Remember your leadership, will bring out the best in us. If you take out time to get to know us, and understand who we are as a woman, we will become all we need to you as a man. As women we associate a lot with emotions, we were designed this way so that we could operate in compassion and understanding. A man who honors his wife, finds favor with God and man.
One band one sound. This is my favorite line from the movie “Drumline”. No one else gets to have a say in your family. NO ONE. I mean no one, not your mom, not his mom, not your ex, not his ex, NO ONE! You must commit to having a united family with a strong front. That’s why you need to discuss EVERYTHING on the front end. There should be NO outside influences on your household. You should be in a line and have an established vision for your house. This won’t look like your family before, and you shouldn’t try to make it look like that, it failed for a reason. Genesis 2:24, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Well what if my ex-wife or husband doesn’t want my spouse disciplining my kids? They are your ex for a reason and I know you share kids, but there needs to be some agreement so that you can have control in your house. Regardless, no one gets to have a say or opinion about your new family (Psalms 1:1-6). If there is a crisis, seek counseling but don’t allow other people’s opinions to influence your family. Take your time to discuss everything, so that you can create a strong unit, a healthy team. Side note: Don’t let your kids have a lot of voice in this, they are too immature to make decisions for you, they can be manipulative when they want to, they will do what’s best for “them” when they are young. They aren’t mature enough to decide what’s best. You know if you are marrying someone who will be good for your kids, watch them with their kids and in their environment. Inspect their fruit (Matthew 7:16)
John 15:12-17 ““This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.”
God has given you the biblical instruction for family, a plan so that even if you are a blended family you can succeed. Trust him and trust the process and above all things remember to love, love, love, because it covers a multitude of sins. It won’t be easy but it can be fruitful.
Prayer: Father we thank you for your wisdom and instruction for all things. Thank you for guiding us through life. Thank you for giving a guide to having a successful family through you. Father with your word we can’t fail. Through your promises we will experience victory through Christ Jesus and we say thank you! In Jesus Name, Amen!
LaKisha M. Johnson is mom, author, motivational speaker, minister and teacher. She is the host of Coffee and Conversations on “facebook live” Monday-Friday at 5:00 am central standard time and Sundays at 7:00 am central standard time. She hosts a pajama party for women, “Pillow Talk” several times throughout the year, walking them through God inspired truths, while providing a place of vulnerability and transparency to talk. To find out more information on her log on to lakishamjohnson.com and follow her on social media @justbeinglmj.